Things That Will Eat Your Chickens And Ruin Your Day, Part 2: Birds of Prey That Would Like to Order Your Hen À La Carte

So you’ve outsmarted the weasels, raccoons, and whatever that thing was in the bushes that looked like it came straight out of a cryptid documentary. But now, you look up — and guess what?

The sky wants your chickens too.

That’s right. New Jersey’s skies are patrolled by majestic, sharp-taloned jerks with 20/20 vision and a taste for free-range drumsticks. If your flock’s got the run of the yard, these airborne assassins are probably already planning their takeout order.

🦅 1. The Red-Tailed Hawk: The Feathered Freelancer

The unofficial state bird of “Oh no, where’d Henrietta go?”

• Appearance: Big, brown, with a rust-red tail and a scream that sounds like a Jurassic Park audition.

• Hunting Style: Soars above like a noble guardian… then drops like a missile and makes off with your favorite Buff Orpington.

• Where? Everywhere from forests to suburbs to that tree just beyond your fence.

🧰 Defense Tips:

• Give your flock a covered run — hawks don’t like diving into wire.

• Use shiny or moving things like old CDs, mylar tape, or even fake owls (but rotate their positions — hawks are smart).

• Keep smaller chickens or chicks inside during peak hawk hours (late morning to mid-afternoon).

🦉 2. The Great Horned Owl: The Silent Night Stalker

You thought the night was safe? You thought wrong.

• Appearance: Big, floofy, looks like it’s wearing angry eyebrows.

• Hunting Style: Completely silent flight. By the time you hear a thump, it’s already dragging your hen into the moonlight.

• Where? Wooded areas, barns, and possibly your nightmares.

🧰 Defense Tips:

• Lock your flock in every single night — no exceptions.

• Consider motion-activated coop lights to startle nighttime visitors.

• Owls hate being exposed — remove tall perches near your coop and trim trees.

🦅 3. Cooper’s Hawk: The Agile Menace

This one’s smaller than a red-tail, but don’t let that fool you.

Think: if a peregrine falcon and a velociraptor had a kid with rage issues.

• Appearance: Sleek, stealthy, with fiery red eyes and a twitchy little murder face.

• Hunting Style: Swoops through trees and shrubs like it’s in a Fast & Furious spin-off. Loves to ambush.

• Where? Woodlots, backyards with bird feeders (including, unfortunately, live chicken feeders — aka, your yard).

🧰 Defense Tips:

• Don’t let your flock free-range unsupervised in wooded or shrubby areas.

• If they must range, supervised playdates only, like chicken recess with a watchful teacher.

• Rooster bonus: Some roosters will sound the alarm — and occasionally defend — but don’t rely on them unless your rooster has a black belt.

Bonus Honorable Mention: The Bald Eagle

Yes, they’re protected. Yes, they’re majestic.

But yes — they absolutely will take a chicken if it fits their “freedom-sized” appetite.

🧰 Tip: If you’re lucky enough to have eagles around, just keep your chickens covered and maybe consider building a small air traffic control tower while you’re at it.

Final Flap of Wisdom

You can’t fight the sky. But you can outsmart it.

Keep your flock sheltered, supervised, and surrounded by enough shiny, flappy, confusing nonsense that even the most determined hawk gives up and hits a squirrel instead.

Until next time — may your eggs be many and your predators few.

Coming up next on “Things That Will Eat Your Chickens and Ruin Your Day": The neighborhood dog who thinks chickens are just feathered squeaky toys from nature.