Things That Will Eat Your Chickens And Ruin Your Day, Part 1: Weasel-Looking Things in New Jersey That You Didn’t Even Know Lived Here

Let’s start with a hard truth, dear chicken keepers: New Jersey is not just full of diners and attitude. It’s also crawling with sneaky little fur missiles that look like they just stumbled out of a Harry Potter Animagus class and immediately decided to make your chickens their personal buffet.

Welcome to the thrilling, feather-ruffling world of weasel-like predators in Central Jersey. These sleek, twitchy-nosed creepers don’t knock, they don’t call ahead — they just show up and turn your coop into a crime scene.

1. The Long-Tailed Weasel: The OG Chicken Assassin

Think of this guy as the ninja of the predator world. Slender, fast, and shockingly bloodthirsty for something that weighs less than a Chipotle burrito.

• Appearance: About a foot long, brown with a white belly, and in winter, some go full snow-camo (white coat).

• Hunting Style: Slips through the tiniest cracks and goes for the neck. Sometimes kills for sport. Yes, he’s that guy.

• Where? Everywhere in Jersey — farmland, woods, even near suburbia. Basically anywhere your hens are clucking peacefully.

Defense Tips:

• Use ½-inch hardware cloth on all openings. Chicken wire is a joke to a weasel.

• Bury fencing 12 inches underground to stop tunnelers.

• Lock your flock in a secure coop at night — think Fort Knox, not a shabby Airbnb.

2. The Masked Marauder: Raccoons (Honorary Weasel Members)

Okay, raccoons aren’t weasels, but they act like weasels in a raccoon trench coat. Think of them as chaotic gremlins with thumbs — yes, actual thumbs. And you probably knew these were in New Jersey, especially if you have trash cans.

• Appearance: Bandit mask, ringed tail, smug energy.

• Hunting Style: Opens latches, unscrews jars, probably has a side hustle in locksmithing.

• Where? Literally everywhere, including your trash cans.

Defense Tips:

• Add carabiners or padlocks to your coop doors. If a toddler could open it, so can a raccoon.

• Don’t leave out food scraps or feed overnight. You might as well hang a “Raccoon Diner Open 24/7” sign.

3. The Mink: The Fancy Cousin of the Weasel

Minks are like weasels with a skincare routine — sleek, shiny, and still absolutely evil to your hens.

• Appearance: Dark brown, glossy, about 2 feet long with attitude to match.

• Hunting Style: Quick, vicious, and occasionally leaves a weirdly tidy pile of dead chickens. Why? Because minks are extra.

• Where? Near water — rivers, ponds, drainage ditches. They’ve got waterfront taste.

Defense Tips:

• If you’ve got a pond or stream nearby, double up your defenses — minks are Olympic swimmers.

• Motion-activated lights or alarms can help, but nothing beats solid fencing.

Final Cluck of Wisdom

If it looks like a weasel, moves like a weasel, or just makes you say, “What the heck was that?”, assume it wants your chickens.

So build tight, lock nightly, and always — always — respect the sneakiness of small, fuzzy murder machines.

Stay safe out there, chicken friends.

Next time on “Things That Will Eat Your Chickens and Ruin Your Day": Birds of prey that would like to order your hen à la carte.